God loves us
It’s amazing to me that God would still love me. To think about the fact that he cares about me in spite of all my flaws is unbelievable. I know my sins. I know who I am and I know what I’ve done and to hear that God knows all that too and he loves me? I struggle with how to respond to that.
Sometimes I want to work for it. I want to make up for the gift he’s given me by doing more. I want to pay back, even some of the debt I owe to him by being more. I try. I fail. And it can be really hard on my faith. Constantly feeling like I need to do more.
The most humbling truth in these times is the fact that God doesn’t love me any more or less, even when I’m being good. He doesn’t like me more when my spiritual resume gets better. He doesn’t want me closer when my sin is further in the past.
No, his love isn’t temperamental like that. His love is constant. His love is undeserved and it isn’t as flighty as the love we’ve experienced here. I think that’s why I get so confused about how to respond to love like this. It’s unlike any other love I’ve ever experienced. It’s unconditionally mine. I am pursued by God, no matter what state I find myself or what my past might look like. I’m pursued by God even when things are hidden in the closet. More importantly, I’m loved by God when those hidden things come to light.